Aries (March 21- April 19): Measure twice, cut once. That’s what they say. That’s the rule! But you just wouldn’t listen, would you? Now one leg is shorter than the other.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): What’s a lie that you told when you were younger? Was it that you were part Norwegian but really you had no idea? Was it that you took your grandma’s car joyriding and then lied about it? I want you to come clean and admit the ridiculous lie to someone, anyone! Have a good laugh and get it off your chest.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): I want you to sit down and write three things you are grateful for today. Perhaps it’s that you’re healthy, or that you have stable housing, or maybe it’s just that you don’t have crabs.

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Sometimes you will try your best and it will still not be good enough for those you are trying to please. And yet you must wipe the dirt and sweat from your brow and carry on with a smile. You can talk smack about it with your friends over wine later.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22): Yesterday I learned that the tequila name Jose Cuervo means Joe Crow in English. There’s your fun fact for the day.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22): You’re so put together that you probably already keep a diary of things you are grateful for. So instead I want you to jot down a few things you do not appreciate—mosquitos, pet stains on the carpet, your inlaws. Then burn the list and say a little voodoo prayer. Report back.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22): If your partner or friend yells “Good night Roger!” to the next door neighbor dog in a British accent (twice, no less!), you’ve got a keeper.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21): If you’ve been able to reinvent yourself again and again thus far, you have the opportunity to do it yet again. Bigger. Stronger. Better. Gentler. Kinder. Wiser.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21): Did you know that there are loads of famous Sagittariun poets? Well, there are. So pick up that pen and scribble a few lines down and join their ranks.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19): It’s time to aid and abet. Assist in something mischievous and wonderful and in a good chaotic kind of way. Have fun with that!

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18): It’s a beautiful day! I mean the sun may or may not be shining but you’re alive! Enjoy the earth’s sweet goodness today. Go outside and take some deep breaths. Try not to inhale a bug.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20): It’s time to get witchy. Have you collected herbs for your winter salves? Are your tinctures brewing? Have you gone out and foraged in the woods lately? Go now good witch.